Deconstructing the game: Mass Effect

And Bioware saw fit to make this a repeated and MANDATORY part of Mass Effect.

Now, where do I begin? Well, first off, the fucking aiming is BROKEN. That reticule on the screen? Meaningless if you are on a slight incline, on a slight hill, or just aren’t on the flattest of flat ground aiming at something on similarly flat ground. I have aimed up, right next to an enemy, and watched as my gun would shoot 50 feet behind the fucker. Apparently the bullets are vehicle relative as much as they are camera relative, which put me in a shit load of terrible situations.

Worse yet, I couldn’t figure out what was going on, and I would just wonder why enemies weren’t dying. It took an amount of patience that I’d assume many would not have to figure out that the bullets were in fact just not hitting their mark, it’s similar to that one scene in True Grit where Rooster Cogburn tries, drunkenly, to shoot a glass bottle on the ground. Except a futuristic space tank shouldn’t fire like an old, drunk, one-eyed cowboy on a horse. It should fire like a fucking tank goddamnit. Did someone not play Battletanx 64?

Now past that issue, the tank controls like a Ferrari that can only go 20 mph.. on the moon. Not only does it move at the slowest pace possible, but it also manages to be the worst turning piece of shit on any planet that it touches down on, regardless of terrain. Driving on water, sand, rock, or the fucking moon? Controls exactly the same. It also has a hard time finding where the front is and tries to go forward, while backwards, and gets confused in a loop where holding up will make the vehicle constantly realign itself until you jiggle it like a pair of keys to get it out of that loop.

Lets not forget the fact that for some reason it can float forever when landing with some sort of thrusters in a cutscene, yet the tank can only hop over debris in actual gameplay and can’t use those thrusters to go any faster than a city bus. That is a huge pet peeve, when games show cutscenes of feats of fancy that can’t possibly be achieved when playing.

The tank was such an issue that I avoided anything that I could that required the tank… which was probably all of the extra missions. So yeah, the tank is a gameplay fuck up that essentially shortened the game by hours because it is so terrible. I also have to ask, “Why is there a tank in a third person RPG anyway”? They didn’t even get the core RPG or third person shooter gameplay right, but figured they could tackle a whole new vehicle based aspect when these have a tendency to be flawed in the first place when tacked onto a game. This is again, bad game design.